When Daddy is Away

I honestly don't know how single parents do it... I am finishing out 2 weeks (well 6 days-36 hours home-7 days) without by co-pilot and I am exhausted. I feel like I have been going a million miles a minute for the last weeks. So much is going on, so much joy, so many details, so many appointments, so much preparation. It is good and worthwhile, but I am tired.

I honestly never thought this would be part of my life. It is unusual in my husband's line of work for travel to be a part of the equation. Even more in the amount in which he does it. And yet, this is where God has us in this season. He loves his work and it is SUCH important work. Because it is so important, we accept that sometimes others need him than we do.

Anyhow, the kids and I have had to learn how to survive life and homeschooling when Daddy is away. Today, that included a 90 minute melt down over multiplication. Divine providence provided my brother dropping in to check on us at just the right moment to snap him out of it. God is so good in those moments, always stepping in just at my breaking point.

Growing up, I watched my mom endure even longer periods without my dad with even more kids. She was independent, managed the household well and played the role of both parents when she needed to. As a kid, it seemed like no big deal. Besides obviously missing my dad, his absence didn't cause a lot of interruption in my life. I didn't miss soccer practices or choir. I didn't feel less loved or a giant absence in my life. Now doing this myself, as a mom, I can't imagine that it was easy for her to hold it together all the time.

Over the years, we have learned a few key strategies for surviving on our own. Some of them are a variation of things my mom used to do and some of them have evolved on their own.

1. Maintain bedtime, for the kids and for you. Putting the kids to bed on time or even a bit early will give you a few moments to breathe at night and keeping yours will keep you from watching Netflix all night to distract you from being alone. It is so hard to force yourself to go to bed at a decent hour, but being dead in the morning doesn't do anyone any good. 
2. Don't over do it. Try to clear some of your schedule and take it easy on yourself. It takes time to parent your kids well on your own. I don't really cook, I try and move things around and I don't over schedule those weeks. The cleaning gets a little lax and not as much laundry or school get done. 
3. Keep things the same. At the same time, try to maintain the kids schedule. While this isn't the time to schedule extra appointments and check things off of the ever growing to do list, you do want to keep the kids schedule consistent. They are already feeling the absence of the other parent and other change may rock the boat. When there is inconsistency in the schedule plus the absence of dad, I have found that this lends to behavioral issues that are uncharacteristic of my kids ...like the multiplication meltdown this morning.
4. Do NOT go it alone. While you probably don't want to put your alone status on blast for everyone, you do want to tell a few key people in your life that you know will check on you. For me, it's my siblings and one of our neighbors. They drop in, text and make sure I'm not locked in my closet with a bottle of wine. They have fed me, helped with the kids and called just so that I know I'm not alone. This is THE most essential part of the equation. The right people in your village makes all the difference in the world.