The Mustard Seed Faith

"When Jesus asked, 'What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds perched in it's branches." Luke 13: 18-19

"Again he said, ' What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? It is like a mustard seek, which is the smallest of all the seeds on earth. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch on in its shade." Mark 4:30-32

What do you do when you're discouraged? Do you ever feel like you're having discouragement with a side of shame for dinner? I woke up this morning, hoping that today would finally be the day. I had hope. As the day went on, and the text messages continued to come in, I quickly felt like this process might never end. Our license has taken MUCH longer than we had anticipated. We feel frustrated and like we weren't given an entirely full picture of the timeline.

This morning, I had a moment of anger, when I realized that once again, what I thought was going to happen wasn't likely to be the case and then immediately felt shame. Shame because my frustration and anger is a result of a process that I can't control, which is the foster care system in a nutshell. I knew this going in. In my desperation to help and jump in with two feet, I felt frustration and then shame that my plan was not God's plan. I know that God already knows every single little one that will pass through our door. He is the perfect author of their story and our story and all off the places that the two will intersect. He knows each one of their birthdays, which I fully realize may very well be the hold up. The waiting is so dang hard though.

The other part of the feeling of shame in my gut was the beautiful blessings around me. I was sitting, answering the text messages with the blessing of a beautiful babe that we were doing some respite care for this week. She is so full of hope and joy. My own three kiddos have made a huge leap and opened their hearts to her and it has been such a blessing to watch. And yet, I feel frustration that it is not our turn yet.

This morning, I sat down to write about the small mustard seed of faith that had started growing in my heart. How the Holy Spirit had whispered a dream into a burning desire. It was a hope filled and encouraging post. When it became clear that my plans weren't in the cards, why was it so easy to give up and let that go?

Then I looked out my window. Watching my garden grow outside my windows is one of the small things that constantly brings my heart joy. When we built this house, I knew that a garden space was one of my desires for our backyard space and my husband made sure that the side yard was a lovely space that I would enjoy. I love watching the plants sprout and grow in the Spring and Fall every year outside our classroom windows. I never cease to be amazed at God's design to take something as small as a seed and grows it into a hearty, green plant that can produce food for our table.

In the same way that the plants in my garden start as seeds, grow into seedlings and then mature into full, producing plants, God plants seeds of ideas and desires in my heart to grow and mature into fruition. Just as the mustard seed, which is so very tiny, God has placed my calling, the work that he has for me to do, in my heart. His whispers are soft and gentle, never overpowering or pushy. Just as my plants would never grow if I didn't cultivate them, I have to cultivate the Holy Spirit's whispers in my life so that they grow from quiet, unfulfilled desires, to active thoughts, to growing actions, and then to producing plans.

I also have to accept and understand that many times, God's plan includes waiting. There is purpose in the waiting. We may eventually come to understand, but we may have to accept that we may never know the reason for the wait. I am choosing to embrace the wait. I know that despite the uncomfortable feeling that comes with lack of control, that this is where God shapes my character and gives me the peace that can be had under any circumstance. The fruit is in the wait and today, I am embracing the wait.