Dreaming the Impossible Dream

It is the beginning of January. It is the time of year that we all talk about goals and resolutions for the year. In our house, that means setting goals and talking about the year to come. It means calendaring and breaking down goals into bite size steps, attainable steps. It all sounds great right. The idea of taking goals and breaking them into practicality. It is a skill that took me a long time to hone.

This year, while talking with my husband, I realized that my very practical approach to my goals and next steps has had an unintended consequence. The ability to take large ideas and apply them to realistic next steps has stunted my ability to dream. Not just dream. My practicality has taken over my ability to take giant leaps of faith. I am so practical that I have allowed the Holy Spirit to be silenced.

Last year, I took a giant leap of faith. I stepped back into a world that once broke my heart. I wasn't sure I was ready, but the opportunity presented and the Holy Spirit prompted. I jumped with both feet. I trusted the Lord with what was next and He has once again proved trustworthy. The fear associated with this leap of faith almost paralyzed me. It almost cost me a ministry opportunity that has changed my life and healed my heart in so ways. Since that initial leap, I have lived in that decision so gratefully. I named that as my calling and got lost in the day to day. I accepted that as amazing as this opportunity is and continues to be, as much influence as I get the opportunity to leverage to bring students to meet, know and follow Jesus, that there was nothing else that I was supposed to do, no more free falls of faith for me, at least in this season.

My practical brain had convinced my heart that one leap of faith in this season of my life was enough. I assumed that I was already fulfilling my full calling. I assumed that I was doing enough. That, as I have discovered, is a dangerous place to be. Jesus gave his life, his privilege, everything.  And here I sat, thinking I was doing enough. I hate it when my own sin makes me sick to my stomach. How could I ever do enough?

Hold on a second, right? We are saved by grace, not by works. No one can ever do anything to earn their salvation. It absolutely is a free gift from God. But... his sacrifice is the catalyst for mine. I give because he first gave. Not to earn anything, but in heart's response to his free gift to me. He calls me to high, lofty, humanly impossible things and then gives me the capability to fulfill them. A supernatural capability that I can't break down into steps or apply reason to.

Don't get me wrong. I will continue to practically set goals and then implement those goals in steps that are attainable and make sense. But that is not all there is to life, to my faith. I will make the choice to look around and see what is going on. To allow the Holy Spirit to whisper dreams into my heart that I cannot explain, break down, or attain on my own. Then and only then will I be truly walking with Jesus in the moment by moment way that my heart so desires. Only then will I be able to jump off the cliff and trust Jesus in ways that I cannot even possibly imagine.