Molding Routines to Minimize Frustrations
"LINDSAY!!!" There I was, in my closet, underneath my clothes, rocking back and forth, hiding from my children. With one of those giant candy bars in one hand and a foot barricading the door closed, I suddenly realized that they were now looking for me. It had been one of those days, the kids had been fighting with each other all day and now they were coming for me... wait a second... the kids don't call me by my first name... BACKUP! My husband is home, and now standing outside the closet door. I move my foot and he pushes the door open, curious as to what the heck is going on. I had just had enough. I kind of lost it. It had gotten so bad that day that there was nothing else to do but take cover and so I did. And that is where my husband found me, hiding like a coward in our closet instead of doing something about it.
I wish I could say that wasn't a true story... and a single incident... we had finished our school year and lost all structure to our day. There were no expectations and no rules. Our fairly rigid school routine had given way to complete anarchy. Summer was certainly upon us and it was a breading ground for quick tempers and frustrations to flare. Some of this is just unavoidable boredom and kids being kids. Some of it, however might be avoidable. That terrible day and the uncomfortable discussion that followed with my husband about why the house was a complete war zone began a new battle, a battle of balance. A battle between feeling like we are resting from our regular routine and the anarchy that had taken over my house that day. It spurred in me a need to learn from others who had gone before me and find that balance. I read, and read, and read, and then called my mom.
The lessons that I learned that day, the days that followed and am still learning are priceless: If the kids know what to expect and if our routines are crafted carefully, though out and tweaked over time, some frustrations can be avoided. I made a few decisions based on that day, a few key decisions that are serving me well. They aren't always easy, but it's amazing how different our days are when I follow through.
1. Mom's screen time happens before the kids are up.
I know what you are thinking... no computer after the kids are awake? No, that is not what I am saying. I try and have all of my concentrated time, the time where I need to work with no distractions, happen before the kids are awake in the morning. After that, my laptop lives on our kitchen island, and I quickly reference it during the day for calendaring, email etc.. Maybe early morning doesn't work for you. Perhaps it's after they are in bed for you, or during nap time, or all three. I had to find that pocket of time where I could work in peace and then adjust my expectations and routine's after the kids where up, which leads me to our next item...
2. Have a written checklist in the morning
My kids have a written checklist each morning to complete as they start their day. It allows me to easily set expectations in the morning and also serves as a bridge for me between my quiet morning peaceful bliss and the rest of my day. It gives me a few more seconds to finish my current thought or page in my book before I move on with the rest of my sometimes chaotic day. It gives me a few breathes to switch gears. It has been key for me in keeping the end of my quiet time in the morning from being a frustration itself. Once the kids are all up and working on their checklists in their rooms (the rule at our house is you stay in your room and read or work on your list until I come to get you), I move on to my own morning checklist. This includes emptying the dishwasher, switching the laundry, getting dressed and making my bed, starting breakfast and generally getting ready for the day. It is a great transition moment for me.
3. Bible time as our first priority in the morning
I realized about a week ago that I had slipped on this one. The last couple of days had been rough with bickering, not like closet bad, just silly kid stuff. I was standing across the island from the kids who were eating their breakfast and fighting when I realized it had been a few days. We had an appointment in a half hour, but I quickly pulled out our Bibles and read together. It never ceases to amaze me how much of a difference this makes in our day. That 5 minutes of reading a few verses and praying for each other framed our whole day differently.
4. Regularly scheduled alone time with each kid
I wish this one happened more often than it does. This is still in process at our house, but I treasure even being able to pick our daughter up from the gym alone at night and talk with her. It has made what could be and was a tedious task a treasure. I just had to decide what it was going to be. I had to adjust my mindset that it doesn't have to be a planned date or outing. My babes just want my time and undivided attention, it doesn't have to be expensive or fancy.
That's where I have landed so far, but it takes a village... What routines in your house have you molded to minimize frustrations?
I wish I could say that wasn't a true story... and a single incident... we had finished our school year and lost all structure to our day. There were no expectations and no rules. Our fairly rigid school routine had given way to complete anarchy. Summer was certainly upon us and it was a breading ground for quick tempers and frustrations to flare. Some of this is just unavoidable boredom and kids being kids. Some of it, however might be avoidable. That terrible day and the uncomfortable discussion that followed with my husband about why the house was a complete war zone began a new battle, a battle of balance. A battle between feeling like we are resting from our regular routine and the anarchy that had taken over my house that day. It spurred in me a need to learn from others who had gone before me and find that balance. I read, and read, and read, and then called my mom.
The lessons that I learned that day, the days that followed and am still learning are priceless: If the kids know what to expect and if our routines are crafted carefully, though out and tweaked over time, some frustrations can be avoided. I made a few decisions based on that day, a few key decisions that are serving me well. They aren't always easy, but it's amazing how different our days are when I follow through.
1. Mom's screen time happens before the kids are up.
I know what you are thinking... no computer after the kids are awake? No, that is not what I am saying. I try and have all of my concentrated time, the time where I need to work with no distractions, happen before the kids are awake in the morning. After that, my laptop lives on our kitchen island, and I quickly reference it during the day for calendaring, email etc.. Maybe early morning doesn't work for you. Perhaps it's after they are in bed for you, or during nap time, or all three. I had to find that pocket of time where I could work in peace and then adjust my expectations and routine's after the kids where up, which leads me to our next item...
2. Have a written checklist in the morning
My kids have a written checklist each morning to complete as they start their day. It allows me to easily set expectations in the morning and also serves as a bridge for me between my quiet morning peaceful bliss and the rest of my day. It gives me a few more seconds to finish my current thought or page in my book before I move on with the rest of my sometimes chaotic day. It gives me a few breathes to switch gears. It has been key for me in keeping the end of my quiet time in the morning from being a frustration itself. Once the kids are all up and working on their checklists in their rooms (the rule at our house is you stay in your room and read or work on your list until I come to get you), I move on to my own morning checklist. This includes emptying the dishwasher, switching the laundry, getting dressed and making my bed, starting breakfast and generally getting ready for the day. It is a great transition moment for me.
3. Bible time as our first priority in the morning
I realized about a week ago that I had slipped on this one. The last couple of days had been rough with bickering, not like closet bad, just silly kid stuff. I was standing across the island from the kids who were eating their breakfast and fighting when I realized it had been a few days. We had an appointment in a half hour, but I quickly pulled out our Bibles and read together. It never ceases to amaze me how much of a difference this makes in our day. That 5 minutes of reading a few verses and praying for each other framed our whole day differently.
4. Regularly scheduled alone time with each kid
I wish this one happened more often than it does. This is still in process at our house, but I treasure even being able to pick our daughter up from the gym alone at night and talk with her. It has made what could be and was a tedious task a treasure. I just had to decide what it was going to be. I had to adjust my mindset that it doesn't have to be a planned date or outing. My babes just want my time and undivided attention, it doesn't have to be expensive or fancy.
That's where I have landed so far, but it takes a village... What routines in your house have you molded to minimize frustrations?
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