Courage to Abandon

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

What do you do when "normal" isn't working for you anymore?

Admitting it to myself is one thing, but doing something about it takes courage. Setting aside what has always worked or what has been the norm and stepping outside the box is hard.

My life already doesn't look "normal" to most. I don't pack school lunches and my kids don't go off to school in the morning. I often don't know when or if my husband will be home at night. I can't eat a piece of pizza... most people would think my life is totally weird.

And yet, I still find myself at times, stuck in the web of expectations, trying to find the courage and tenacity to dip even a toe into the unknown or unconventional. My head knows that I'm firm in the choices that I have made and that I love our outside the box life. I know God has called us to the places where we are and where we have been and where we are headed. I've clearly made these types of choices before and yet every time, I have to muster the trust and courage to proceed.

This means being willing to step out of my own expectations. I recently abandoned a rather expensive set of phonics curriculum. It was very traditional and "school like". But it wasn't working. We were ALL miserable and it was ruining more than one kids love to learn. So I found something else, another way that they enjoy reading... but why do I still look back at that box with longing?

Several times, I have opened the box (a box that made us all want to cry, run and hide every time we went to use it) and thought about going back. It is what is expected. It's what other kids are using. My courage is faltering.

The desire to conform and please others is strong in me. So much so that it isn't healthy. I have made myself and others miserable trying to be "normal" and meet expectations. And yet, God calls me to be outside of what the world would consider conformity.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is." (Romans 12:2 NLT)

It takes courage to abandon. It takes trust to do the things that God has called you to do and be different, to be the person has called you to be. It takes tenacity to be ok with looking different than the world, or other believers. God has called each one of us to something different.

So my life my look different than yours. Maybe you pack school lunches and your work situation is 8-5ish. I hope for your sake, you can enjoy pizza. God has called us each to different things, each life and set of circumstances is unique. I hope that I can continue to learn to have the courage to abandon my own normal and follow God's leading, where ever that might be and however unconventional it might be.